Full Circle
by mosylu
Summary: Megumi and Sano are both having doubts about their relationship--is love ever really enough? Sequel to "Monologues"
1. Morning

_Hey everyone, Mo here. This is the first installment of my serial. I have no clue how long it will be or how steady my work on it will be . . . I'm already working on another serial for my Jane Austen fanfic board as well as a novel . . . sheesh. Somebody tie me down. :)   
_

Anyway, I always figured Yahiko wouldn't know his birthday, his home life being the way it was. If anyone wants to argue the point--jeesh, it's just a fanfic! As to Megumi's reputation--well, it's an issue for any woman in any pre-women's-lib society, and I've never seen a fic that addressed it. *yanks self out of imminent feminist rant* Ahem. The "hot reds" are shamelessly stolen from the most excellent Audrey Hepburn movie "Breakfast at Tiffany's". Everyone go watch that movie. Now. It's your assignment. (j/k) Anyway, I thought it fit Sano. Oh, and one last confession. I had Sano calling Megumi Megitsune as a love-name in "Monologues" and probably later on in this. I don't remember where I saw it, but certainly never in the anime, so I probably saw it in a fanfic and forgot the title and the author. Bad Mo. Bad Mo! If you're that author, please email me so I can attribute it to you properly. Hmmm, looking over all this makes me wonder if ANYTHING I write is original . . .   


Standard disclaimers, etc. Enjoy!   


  


In the pale half-light of early dawn, he knelt at her side, content merely to watch her as she slept.   


In ancient times, he thought idly, this woman would have been called a goddess, a supernaturally beautiful deity sent to steal men's foolish hearts. In times later but still past, she would have been addressed as Lady or Princess, and with her beauty and her wit she would have ruled a thousand men.   


In these times, this one man was content just to call her his.   


"Oi, kitsune," he whispered.   


"Mm?" Takani Megumi mumbled.   


"I'm leaving." When that got no response, Sagara Sanosuke shrugged. Dropping a light kiss on her shoulder, he rose and turned to go out the door.   


At the tug on his pants, he paused and looked over his shoulder. She had the hem in a tight grip and was smiling lazily up at him. "Is that all I get?"   


He grinned and knelt again. Planting his hands on either side of her head, he lowered his mouth to hers and kissed them both breathless. "That, lady," he said, resting his forehead against hers, "is all you get. It's nearly dawn."   


"Sano," she called out just as he was sliding her bedroom door open.   


"Hm?"   


She hesitated, casting about for something to say. "Are you coming to the Akebako tonight?" It was Yahiko's birthday--at least, it was the day Kaoru had abritrarily decreed as Yahiko's birthday--and the Kenshin gumi was celebrating.   


He gave her another grin. "Free food, free sake, and the chance to flirt with you, kitsune. Sure I am. See you there."   


When he was gone, she sighed heavily. Except for that first morning, he'd never stayed past dawn--not even once. He didn't want the neighbors to see him sneaking out of her bed. As a woman doing what was traditionally a man's job, he said, she had to step even more carefully then most women to retain her good reputation.   


Megumi wrinkled her nose. She was grateful for his consideration, but really. Of all the people to care about reputation, Sano, the mooching, gambling, brawling ex-gangster was the least likely. And not even his!   


Sometimes she felt as if in spite of their new, closer relationship, she wasn't even close to peeling back all the layers that hid the heart of him. It was frustrating, to say the least. The worst part of it was that Sano considered himself so basic that he didn't even understand there were layers to peel back.   


She propped her chin on her hands and stared at the door. _What do you really feel, Sano? Really? You come to my bed every night, but during the day we pretend everything is as it was before. Is that how you want it? All the pros of a relationship without the obligations, so when this is over you can walk away with no recriminations?   
_

I want so much more. But for now, I'll take what I can get.   


"Che," she muttered, flinging aside the covers and reaching for her yukata. Then she had to smile at herself. She was picking up his language. She should watch herself around Ayame-chan and Suzume-chan. Genzai-sensai certainly wouldn't be happy if his granddaughters suddenly started swearing like--well, like Sano.   


With another sigh, she began getting dressed, already counting the hours until her lover would return to her.    


Sano strolled down the street, whistling softly. In the past two weeks, he'd seen more dawns--fourteen of them, to be exact--then he had in the past ten years of his life. He wasn't counting the dawns he'd seen after a long night of gambling or drinking. Most of the time, he hadn't been in any shape to appreciate them.   


He appreciated every single dawn he saw now.   


Sometimes he couldn't believe it had happened--that, at long last, Megumi had come into his arms. From the first, everything about her had ensnared his senses, like a trap for the unwary.   


The unwary, he thought with a grin, but not the unwilling.   


He'd tried to argue himself out of it countless times, listing all the reasons why he shouldn't want her and she'd never want him. She was a lady. She was educated. She was prissy. She was clever. She was beautiful. She wanted Kenshin.   


But no. She wanted _him._ Sano. It seemed like a miracle.   


Every night when he walked into the clinic, she would be sitting at her desk, making notes, or grinding herbs, or tidying up. For a moment, as he stood there in the doorway, he would hold his breath. Would he suddenly discover that the events of the past days had been nothing more then a _really_ detailed, sake-induced hallucination?   


But then she would lift her head, smile, and hold out her hand. And, letting out his breath, he would cross the room to kiss her.   


But she was still beautiful, still educated, still so far above him class-wise it was like daring to love a goddess. What made him think he could ever keep her? And yet if he told her--would her compassion make her stay with him, even when she would rather not?   


It would be worse then if she left him.   


_I want all of you, Megumi. But I'll take what I can get._   


"Oi! Sano!"   


Sano looked up and grinned. "Oi, Kinji."   


Kinji, a gambling buddy, was leaning against a lamppost, grinning at him. "Where've you been?"   


Sano shrugged. "Around."   


"I haven't seen you in two weeks," the other man complained, falling into step with him. "She must be good."   


Sano nearly tripped over his own feet. "Wha--who?"   


"Whatever woman you've got now," Kinji clarified. "She must be damn good. Where does she work?"   


It took a moment for Sano to work it out--Kinji thought he was spending all his time with a prostitute. He forced a laugh. "Sorry, Kinji, there ain't a woman. Just haven't been around, is all."   


Kinji snorted, obviously skeptical. "Want to keep her to yourself, huh? Well, okay--but tell me when you get tired of her."   


A twinge of pain in his bad hand made him realize he'd involuntarily clenched his hands into fists, and he forced them to relax. Kinji didn't mean any harm, after all. He didn't know he was talking about Megumi instead of the kind of teahouse girl they'd shared before. "There ain't a woman, Kinji," he said again. "Where you goin'?"   


There was curiousity in his friend's face, but he dropped the subject. "Out and about. Don't really know. You wanna come?"   


Sano shook his head. "I'm gonna get some sleep."   


Kinji laughed and clapped him on the back. "There ya go. Keep your strength." He winked. "See you around, Sano."   


"See you," Sano echoed.   


It was true, he mused. He _hadn't_ been to any of his usual gambling and drinking haunts in the past two weeks. He'd been sleeping, or at the dojo, or just wandering around watching the sun and willing it to go down. The feeling he called the "hot reds"--that wild, tearing restlessness that would only be assuaged by a fight, or a drink, or a game--hadn't surfaced in a long time. A little more then two weeks, actually.   


Maybe being with Megumi tamed them. Not just the sex, although he more then liked that, but the way she would tell him about her day, or the sparkle in her eyes when he would tease her, or the sound of her deep, even breathing as he held her.   


Sometimes it felt as if he really lived at night, and only existed for the rest of the time. 


	2. The Talk

Yahiko was practicing in the yard, his face set in a scowl. "Hey, brat," Sano greeted him. With the ease of practice, he ducked as the shinai came at his head. "Happy birthday. Where's Kenshin?"

"Laundry," Yahiko grunted, swinging the wooden sword at empty air. "Back."

Correctly interpreting this as "He's doing the laundry out back," Sano went around the side of the house. Kenshin was crouched over the wooden tub, scrubbing. He lifted his head and called out, "Good morning, Sano."

"Mornin'," Sano returned. leaning against one of the roof supports.

Kenshin lifted the dripping sheet, studying it with an experienced eye. Apparently, it failed the whiteness test. Back into the suds it went. "How are you?"

Sano dropped his head back against the pole and smiled into the brilliant sun. In his mind's eye was a picture of Megumi's face, the sparkle in her eyes, as she'd teased him for another kiss this morning. "Great. Couldn't be better."

He didn't see the way Kenshin ducked his head, smiling. "That's wonderful, de gozaro." There was a little silence, the only sound the splash of the sudsy water as Kenshin scrubbed and the faint grunts of Yahiko, still practicing in the front.

Kenshin's voice was very casual as he said, "And Megumi-dono?"

Sano lowered his head again, blinking. There were little spots floating in front of his eyes from looking at the sun, and he wasn't sure he'd heard quite right. "What?"

"Megumi-dono," Kenshin said patiently. "How is she?"

"I--guess she's fine. She was fine last night when she left, right? I left before she did. You would know." Did his voice sound right? It sounded funny. Too casual? Too forced? He was talking too much. Shit. Shit. 

"I meant, how is she this morning?"

Sano took a step sideways and sat down hard on the porch. _Kenshin knew._ "Is it--" He had to stop and swallow. They'd been so careful. _He'd_ been so careful. Or he thought he had. "Is it that obvious?"

Kenshin lifted the sheet from the water with apparent ease and squeezed the excess out. "No. We just--" He looked up, smiling his gentle smile. "We're your friends, Sano. We know when you're happy, de gozaro. Both of you." Kenshin didn't add that he'd accidentally walked in on a stolen moment between Sano and Megumi the week before. They hadn't noticed, mostly because Kenshin had done the swiftest about-face of his life and returned to the yard at near-god-speed, wailing, "Orororororororo," under his breath the entire way.

He'd seen a lot of things, as battousai and as rurouni, but not many of them had matched that embrace for sheer carnal hunger. It had been enough to make him blush as red as his hair. It was one thing to have your suspicions, but quite another to have them practically confirmed in front of your eyes.

"Why are you keeping it a secret?" he said now.

Sano rubbed a hand over his face, then dropped it in his lap. "I just--I--"

"Was it Megumi-dono's idea?"

"No. It was mine." He looked up, helpless. Kenshin obviously disapproved--not of the sex, but of the secrecy. He'd never come right out and say it, but Sano _knew_ he didn't approve. "Kenshin--I just--I mean--dammit." Words, never his friends, were failing him utterly right now. "This is the only thing I can do right, you know?"

Kenshin, sitting on his heels with the laundry lying neglected in the tub, just looked at him, and Sano wanted to shout, _You drive me freakin' crazy when you do that._ But he swallowed the words, because he knew they wouldn't work. Instead, he fumbled out, "She--her reputation--I mean--you remember that Raiko guy? The fake priest who went around pretending to heal with the power of the gods?"

"Aa," his friend said slowly.

"You remember how his twerpy little friends went around whispering about her? That's all it took, was that, and her reputation was ruined. And she didn't even _do_ anything." Sano spread his hands helplessly. "How much worse would it be if people found out she was sleeping with some--some gangster?"

"_Ex_-gangster, Sano," Kenshin corrected him.

"Gangster, ex-gangster, ex-bump-on-Buddha's-ass, what the hell does it matter? The point is, people wouldn't understand, and I don't blame 'em. This way, I'm--I'm keepin' her safe, you know?"

"From what?"

"From--from me. From Sagara Sano. From a street-brawling, hard-drinking gambler with nothing to his name but a dinky little apartment and a buncha scars."

Kenshin bent over the laundry again, his hair sliding forward to hide his expression. "You aren't giving yourself enough credit, Sano."

Sano shrugged and rested his forearms on his knees, allowing his hands to dangle between. "I don't see how it's possible to give myself any more."

"Do you love her?"

_Yes. Gods, yes._ "I'm not talkin' about love, Kenshin," he said instead, poking at the dusty yard with his toe.

"I am," Kenshin said coolly. "Do you love her, or is it just sex?"

Sano's head jerked up, his mouth falling open at the unKenshinlike words. "I--I--jeez, Kenshin!" He could feel himself blushing bright red, all over. Dammit, that _never_ happened.

"Just answer me, Sano."

"That's not the _point._"

"You're avoiding the question," Kenshin observed.

The dam broke. "All right! Yes! I love her, dammit." It felt so good to finally say it out loud that he did again. "I love her!"

Kenshin, patient as the grave, waited until he had fallen silent and slumped against the support pole. Then he said, "Sano . . ."

Sano's voice was flat. "What."

"People aren't as critical as you think, de gozaro. Maybe they'd talk about it for a little while if you got married, but--" He saw Sano's expression and stopped short.

"How could I ask her to do that? Even if she would."

"Why are you thinking she wouldn't?"

Sano scrubbed a hand over his face. "Kenshin," he said patiently, "sex isn't love. And anyway, how the hell would I support us?"

"The chief is always looking for detectives and policemen."

Sano recoiled. "A _cop?_ Like that dickhead Saitoh? No way!"

"Well, fine. Megumi's supporting herself all right with the clinic. I'm sure--"

"I'm _not_ gonna mooch off my wife." The words _my wife_ felt so good that he scowled.

Kenshin shrugged and dunked the last of the laundry to the rinse water. "If you want to be worthy of her, you're going to have to do something about it, de gozaro. Of course, if this is just an excuse--"

"Dammit, Kenshin!"

"Well, then. Are you staying for lunch?"

Sano looked pensive. "I'll be back for it." He got to his feet and wandered out of the yard.

Kenshin lifted the last sheet and wrung it out. "How long have you been there, Yahiko?"

"Gah! Kenshin!!"

Kenshin's hair hid his smile. "I couldn't hear you practicing anymore, de gozaro."

Yahiko scowled. "Awhile." He looked out of the yard, after Sano. "Kenshin?" he said finally, his fingers tapping restlessly on the handle of the shinai over his shoulder. 

"Hai, Yahiko?"

"Sano's really got his head up his butt on this one, doesn't he?"

Kenshin sighed heavily. "Hai."


	3. Koibito

_Hmmmmm, for some reason I seem to be chugging right along on this fic. Yay me! C&C always appreciated! _

Otaasan, 'taasan - Father 

koibito - sweetheart, but could also imply lover (woo-woo!) 

ojiisan - grandfather 

"Birfday, birfday, birfday," Ayame-chan sang, swinging her arm so that Megumi's arm, linked to it by their hands, swung as well. "Yahiko-kun havin' birfday. Birfday, birfday, birfday! We goin' to a birfday party. Birfday, birfday, birfday!" 

Ayame-chan was no singer, and she'd never be a composer, either. Still, the tune was strangely catchy--in an off-key, monotonous sort of way. Megumi tried to block it out by looking around at the shops they passed on the way to the Akebako. 

She saw a pretty set of hair pins that Kaoru might like, then a print of a samurai that almost made her reconsider what she'd already gotten for Yahiko. That little green kimono would look so pretty on Ayame-- 

She'd had one like that, long before, green with blue flowers on it. She'd been eight--nine?--no, eight. She'd wanted it so much that she'd begged her father for it for three days straight. He'd refused just as steadily, but it had magically appeared on her blanket on the morning of the fourth day. She had been so delighted she'd not only put it on at once, but gone along with her father on a visit to a patient's house to show it off to as much of Aizu as she could manage. 

_"Where can we go now, Otaasan?" She'd made a little spin in the street, feeling the edges of the beautiful kimono flap as she did so. "Where, where?" _

He'd taken her hand, smiling down at her. "Somewhere you've never been." 

She'd been bitterly disappointed when, at the end of the walk, she'd looked up and seen only the home she'd grown up in. "We didn't go anywhere new at all, Otaasan. We just went in a big circle. We're just back home again." 

"No, we're not, Megu-chan." 

"We are! Look, there's home!" 

Her father had laughed and rumpled her hair. "But we're not the same people." 

She'd pouted and smoothed down her hair, vain as a peacock at eight years old. "You're being silly, Otaason," she'd said loftily. Her 'taasan did that so much. He was so silly. "I'm still Takani Megumi and you're still my 'taasan." 

"But think, Megu-chan. When we left, had we seen--oh--the tofu seller?" 

"No." 

"And had you showed your new kimono to Yoshi-san?" 

"No." 

"And had we visited my patient?" 

"Of course not!" 

"Well--see? We're back at the same place we started from, but we're not the same people because of the things we've done along the way." 

She'd looked up at him, puzzled, and he'd sighed and hugged her close to his side. "Someday you'll understand, my daughter." His gaze had turned inward, and he seemed almost to be speaking to himself. "You can't ever go back, even if you wanted to. All you can do is go forward." 

"Meg-neesan?" 

She came back to herself with a jolt. She was in Tokyo again, not Aizu, with Ayame-chan clinging to her fingers as she'd once clung to her father's. She was grown, and her father--her beloved Otaasan--was long dead. And she was finally beginning to understand his enigmatic words of that day. 

Ayame-chan said, "Meg-neesan?" again, and her voice was worried. They'd stopped in the middle of the street, and were getting mutters from other pedestrians, forced to detour around them. 

Megumi made herself smile. "It's nothing, Ayame-chan. I'm all right. I was just daydreaming." 

Genzai-sensai and Suzume-chan had stopped a little ways ahead of them and were looking back. Genzai-sensai grinned mischieviously underneath his mustache. "Maybe Megumi-san is dreaming of her koibito." 

Megumi made herself laugh, even as a flush spread over her cheeks. "No, I wasn't." 

Predictably, the girls latched onto this like little leeches. "Koibito! Meg-neesan has a koibito!" they shrieked, jumping up and down and clapping their hands. 

"I don't have a koibito!" 

"Do too! Do too!" 

"No I don't!" 

"Maybe she lets him _kiss_ her!" Ayame squealed, utterly scandalized. 

"Kiss! Kiss kiss!" Suzume shouted. 

"Who's kissing?" 

"Rooster! Rooster! Meg-neesan has a koibito!" 

Sano lifted his eyes to her and smiled his slowest, sexiest smile. "Oh yeah?" 

Megumi could have cooked an egg on her face. "We're going to be late," she said loftily, starting to walk again. 

Sano leaned down and said, "Hey, monkey, go walk with your ojiisan." 

"How come?" Ayame-chan wanted to know. 

"I need to talk to the fox." 

"Can't I talk too?" 

"It's adult stuff, monkey. Boring." 

"Hai." Ayame-chan ran up ahead and took her ojiisan's other hand. 

Megumi looked up at him in surprise. Ever since the beginning of their affair, he'd been careful not to show her special attention in public. "What is it, Sano?" 

Ayame-chan had started her song again, this time with different lyrics. "Koibito, koibito, koibito!" 

"I just wanted to warn you," he said under the little girl's singing. "Kenshin knows about us." 

"Meg-neesan has a koibito!" 

"You _told_ him?" 

"Naw, he figured it out on his own." Sano made a face. "Che. He's too smart sometimes." 

"Koibito, koibito, koibito!" 

"What did he--how does he--" 

"He's fine with it." 

"He--" 

"Megitsune, Kenshin doesn't judge. You know that." 

"Meg-neesan kisses her koibito!" 

He looked up the street at Ayame-chan, Genzai-sensei, and Suzume-chan, just entering the Akebako. "D'you s'pose . . ." Sano said slowly. 

Megumi shook her head. "Genzai-sensei started it. He was teasing me." 

Sano's eyes were serious as he looked back at her. "That's who I meant. Not the kids." 

She looked away. "He hasn't said anything other then that," she said in a small voice. 

They were almost to the Akebako. She ducked her head and started to step ahead of him. He caught her elbow--another first. "There's somethin' else." 

She paused, her hand on the door. "What is it?" He was still holding her arm, his touch warm and gentle through the cloth. It brought back sensory memories of his hands on her bare skin, teasing and stroking . . . not only his hands but his clever mouth . . . 

He must have seen something of her thoughts in her eyes, or been thinking the same things himself, because he snatched his hand away and buried it deep in his pocket. "I--uh--" He cleared his throat. "Uh--what would you think if I--um--got a job?" 

They were the last words she could have ever expected to come out of _his_ mouth, and the shock made her burst out laughing. 

A dull flush spread over his cheekbones, and he faked a laugh. "Yeah--kinda stupid, huh?" 

Her laughter died at the sound of his voice. "Sano, you're not serious, are you?" 

He gave a one-shouldered shrug. "Why the hell not? A guy can't gamble forever, ya know." 

"But what would you _do_?" 

"I dunno. A--cop or something. I dunno." 

"You? A cop?" 

He rubbed the back of his neck. "I dunno," he said a third time. "It was just an idea. A stupid one. C'mon, let's go in and join the party. Yahiko and the monkeys are gonna eat everything before we get there." 

She followed him, confused. A _job_? Now where had he gotten that bug in his ear from? 

As if their presence was a muffling blanket, a silence fell in the booth that the Kenshin gumi had reserved. There was an open space between Kenshin and Genzai-sensei, just big enough for two. Sano sat, folding his long legs in front of him, and after a moment, Megumi did as well. It would be a bother and, she suspected, worse to ask someone to move over just so she wouldn't have to sit next to Sano all night. 

Twelve eyes were turned on them, and Megumi felt like a new and unusual bug. 

Sano said, his voice unnaturally loud, "Oi, is this a party or what? C'mon!" 

Kenshin said, "Hai," and passed the ohagi. 

Five excruciatingly uncomfortable minutes passed before Sano managed to say something that made Yahiko mad. It broke the tension, and everyone relaxed, laughing as Sano ducked the chopsticks Yahiko threw at him. 

The party continued with more gusto after that, but Megumi still felt as if everyone in the booth over the age of ten was giving her and Sano sidelong looks when they thought they weren't watching. She cursed Kaoru's idea to have this at the Akebako. If not for the fact that they were in public, she would have jumped to her feet and cried, "Yes, Sano and I are lovers! Yes, you're all right! Now stop looking at us like we're about to explode!" 

At the very least, they could have avoided this rather ironic situation--Megumi and Sano pretending that nothing had changed and everyone else pretending that they didn't know a thing. It would be so nice, Megumi thought wistfully, toying with her rice, to be able to acknowledge this openly. Things that other lovers took for granted--the right to casual touches and private jokes and hot, laughing looks--she and Sano had to continually guard against. 

And whose choice was that? 

From a distance, she heard Tae's warm welcome as someone came in the door. An unfamiliar voice filtered to her ear. "I've heard of a lady doctor practicing here in Tokyo." 

"Yes, of course--Takani Megumi-sensei! I know her well--" 

There was an indrawn breath. "Please--where is her clinic? I need to find her--I _must_--" 

Megumi set down her rice and stood, stepping down out of the booth and into her shoes. "I'm Takani Megumi-sensei," she announced, walking towards Tae and the travel-stained man who stood with her. "How can I help you?" Behind her, heads popped out of the booth, trying to see what was happening and why Megumi had suddenly gotten up. 

The man turned and stared at her. He was about her age, slightly taller then she, with sleek black hair, pale skin, and dark eyes with weary shadows underneath. "M-megumi? Megu-chan? Is that really you?" 

She stopped short, hands flying to her mouth. "I thought you were dead," she whispered. 

"I thought you were." 

With a muffled cry, she ran into his arms. 

A shocked silence fell over the Akebako, until a piercing whisper came from Ayame-chan. "Ojiisan? Is that Megumi's koibito?" 

Megumi, laughing and crying at the same time, lifted her head and turned to her friends. "No, he's not my koibito, Ayame-chan. He's my brother." 


	4. Kei

_Yes, it's been awhile--yes, I left you dangling. That's because I'm evil. Bwahahahahaha!! Kei's name is shamelessly stolen from Ashfae's wonderful "Spark". Thank you Ashfae! Kaoru's comment about the cookie doll refers to a bit from Ep. 89, where Megumi smacks a would-be mugger senseless with a cookie and then coolly observes, "Hmm, it must have been stale." Too, too cool. I had to use it, even tho this is obviously before Ep.89. I'm just pretending she's done it before._

_Her brother. Not a lover. Her brother._

When Ayame-chan had said that about Megumi's koibito, Sano had wondered for a horrified minute if it was true--if Megumi had left a sweetheart back in Aizu, one that had come back for her. From the way she'd run at him, you'd'a thought--

_Baka_ he thought angrily. _Here she is, first time seeing one of her family for ten years, someone she thought was dead, and you're pissed off cuz she hugged him! Dammit, Sano, you're being a real dickhead tonight!_

Megumi, holding her brother's hand, had brought him to stand before the booth. "Minna," she said, eyes sparkling, "this is my brother, Takani Kei." She turned to him. "Kei, these are my friends." She gestured towards each person as she pronounced their name. "Himura Kenshin, Kamiya Kaoru, Myojin Yahiko, Genzai-sensei and his granddaughters, Ayame-chan and Suzume-chan, and--Sagara Sanosuke. We're celebrating Yahiko's birthday."

Kei smiled and nodded as each name was said, but at that, he stepped back. "I don't want to intrude--"

Kenshin spoke up. "There's nothing intrusive about it, Kei-san. You're welcome to sit and eat with us." He smiled. "We can celebrate your reunion too."

"If you're sure you wouldn't mind--"

"Of course not," Megumi said. "Please. Sit."

He sat, right between Megumi and Sano, and Sano had to take a bite of rice in order to keep from growling. As torturous as it had been to sit so close and not touch, there'd been something twistedly fun about it too. Now he couldn't even _look_ at her without making it obvious to the entire world.

_Stop it. You're being stupid. It's not a sweetheart, it's her brother. You'll get to look at her all you want--and more. Just wait 'til--_

"Tonight?" Megumi's voice held a mixture of surprise and indignation. "Of course you're not staying at an _inn_ tonight, Kei! There's plenty of room at the clinic!"

Sano knocked over the sake bottle. "Sorry," he muttered, righting it. Fortunately, not much had spilled. "I just--sorry."

"That's all right," Kei said generously. He turned back to his sister. "Is there enough room? I don't want to displace anyone, after all."

"It's just me. Don't worry about it."

_And me,_ Sano growled mentally. But he knew that wasn't true. Not really.

Kei, meanwhile, was looking puzzled. "But--your husband?"

The rest of the booth carefully avoided looking at Sano.

Megumi shook her head. "I'm not married, Kei."

"You mean you live alone?"

"I like my privacy."

_I like her privacy too._

"But what if something happened to you? A burgler? Really, Megumi, a woman alone--"

She laughed out loud. "Kei, believe me, there's not a criminal in Tokyo stupid enough to try and break into the clinic. For one thing, there isn't a thing to steal."

"And for another," Yahiko put in, "she's got a slap that would lay out a water buffalo." He should know--he'd been on the recieving end more then once.

"And a truly powerful elbow jab," Genzai-sensei muttered, rubbing his stomach.

"And a nasty way with a cookie doll," Kaoru added.

"All right, all right!" Megumi said, going red.

"Maa, maa!" Kenshin said at the same time.

Kei was looking puzzled, but then he grinned. "Your friends like to tease you, Megumi," he said.

"Yes, they do," she muttered, giving them all a mock glare. "I'm really a very peaceful person."

Forgetting himself, Sano snorted into his rice, loud enough for the entire resturant to hear.

She leaned over to see him around her brother. "What was that?"

He leaned over too, grinning at her. If she was going to continue it, he might as well have fun. "Peaceful, my ass, fox. That's why one of my ears is stretched out to twice the size of the other."

Her eyes narrowed, but there was a sparkle in them. "That'll be quite enough out of you, rooster-boy."

"Boy? Boy?" he sputtered, enjoying himself. Fighting was probably the most fun they ever had together--at least, with all their clothes on--and he'd missed it. "'Scuse me, fox, I thought you were a better doctor then that. Don't even know the difference between a boy and a man."

"Sure I know the difference," she said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "Why do you think I said it?"

Sano opened his mouth to say something sexy and provocative that would make her blush bright red--and suddenly remembered exactly where they were, as well as who was sitting between them, watching the entire conversation with wide eyes and open mouth. He shut his own mouth so quickly his teeth clacked together, and then muttered, "Yeah--well--I guess you're mistaken, huh." It was weak, but dammit, he had to say something.

"Ano--Megumi . . ." Kei said hesitantly.

Kenshin said, "Kei-san, Sano likes to tease Megumi-dono, but it really doesn't mean anything."

Sano made himself grin. "Yeah, I'm just havin' fun with the fox." _This_, he lectured himself, was why he didn't play-fight with her in public anymore. Gods only knew what would come out of his mouth. What _had_ almost come out of his mouth would have blown the whole thing out of the water. Megumi wouldn't want her precious brother to know what they'd been up to. _Sano_ didn't want that stiff knowing what they'd been up to.

"So!" Megumi said brightly, changing the subject. "Kei, you never told me how you escaped the fire or where you've been these last ten years."

Kei shrugged, turning away from Sano. "I was one of the lucky ones, I suppose. I don't really know how I got out of Aizu--the next thing I remember is waking up in a cabin two weeks later. Some mountain villagers had found me and taken me to the village doctor. I was also lucky in that he had actual medical training instead of some of those herb- and prayer-quacks you get in those remote areas. After I got well, I decided to stay on with him for several years to finish my own training. I came back to civilization four years ago and set up a practice in Aizu. Enough people remember Father that it's doing rather well." He gave a little shrug and a self-depracating smile. "I really do feel fortunate. I didn't have to live through the worst of the Bakumatsu, like so many of our old acquaintances. You wouldn't believe some of the things they do to survive." His mouth twisted in distaste. "Thievery, prostitution, begging, organized crime--such a come-down. It's as if they have no pride in their family names anymore."

The color had slipped out of Megumi's face, leaving it white as bone. The Kenshin gumi was utterly silent, everyone avoiding Megumi's gaze. They all knew what she'd had to do to survive since the Bakumatsu.

Sano wanted to reach out and touch her, stroke her clenched hand, rub her taut shoulders, comb his fingers through the ends of her hair--something that would tell her without words, _Don't listen to him. He doesn't know what it's like. Up there in his little mountain cocoon, he doesn't know what it was like for everyone down here, when family names and pride ceased mean anything before the sheer struggle to survive. He's an idiot._

But he couldn't reach out, not with her brother between them.

Sano wondered how Takani Kei would look with all his teeth punched out.


	5. The Past

Megumi spent the remainder of the meal picking at her food. She'd lost her appetite rather thoroughly when Kei had let slip his opinion about those who turned to the underworld. 

Sometimes, the memory of her time in Takeda Kanryuu's web faded to the point where she could pretend to herself that it had never happened--that she'd met the Kenshin gumi at the market, perhaps, or treated one of them for an illness. But then something would happen--someone that she remembered from that time would come in to be treated, or someone would make a comment about gangsters or opium. Even seeing the scar on Sano's hand, when she changed the bandages for him, was enough to make her remember that tower room, and that gleaming, seductive edge of naked steel that had seemed to be the only way out. 

Not for the first time, she wondered why he _had_ leapt across the small, bench-lined room to catch the knife in his bare hands. He'd hated her then for manufacturing the opium that had killed his friend Yoita, for lying to them about herself, for getting them involved in this whole mess. At the time, she'd been stunned beyond measure that he'd taken such a risk, and deeply puzzled. 

She'd ultimately decided that his motives had been a sort of "we went to this much trouble for the dumb woman, I'm not about to let it all go to waste" thinking. It didn't quite satisfy her, however, and every so often, her mind would return to the puzzle, picking at it like a child picking at a scab. 

She'd never quite had the courage to ask him about it. 

Kei stretched his arms over his head, yawning a little, and then apologizing. "I was up early this morning to be on the road--I wanted to reach Tokyo as quickly as I could." Unlike the others at the table, his legs weren't tucked under him or crossed in front of him, or even the one-leg-up, one-leg-flat position Sano favored. Instead, he'd settled the soles of his feet flat together, with his legs folded out to either side, and his hands resting on his ankles. It made Megumi smile, involuntarily. She couldn't do it--never had. Kei had always been able to, claiming he found it more comfortable then any other position. 

Their mother had fussed about it every so often, but their father had always told her to leave him alone. "It's not hurting him, after all." 

"But neither Megu-chan or I can do it--" 

"He's flexible, is all." Their father had laughed. "You've never objected to flexibility before." 

"Ryuusei! The children--!" 

"Wouldn't be here except for that." He'd kissed her extravagantly at that point, sending Megumi and Kei into paroxysms of disgust. 

They had loved each other so much . . . 

Megumi's breath caught hard in her throat, and she made a strangled little sound, hunching over as the force of her grief made her stomach knot. 

"Megu-chan? Are you feeling all right?" 

She took a deep, unsteady breath and slowly straightened up again to look at her brother, watching her with a concerned look. "It's all right," she said, blinking furiously against the moisture in her eyes. "I was--just thinking about--" 

"Okaasan and Otousan," he guessed, and she nodded. "I still grieve, every day," he said. "It's so terrible to be alone all of the time." 

"Yes," she said fervently, remembering her days under Takeda Kanryuu. She'd learned all about being alone in the middle of a crowd. 

He nodded at that. "Of course. I don't need to tell _you_ that." He put his hand on hers. "But it's all going to be better now that I've found you." 

She gave him a wobbly, watery smile. "I know." 

A small, warm body thrust itself up under her arm. "Meg-neesan sad?" 

Megumi looked down. Suzume-chan's small face stared back up at her, the little brows pulled together in worry. "Meg-neesan sad?" she asked again. 

Megumi looked up across Kei and into Sano's face. His eyes were very dark and his mouth uncharacteristically solemn. She looked past him and around the circle at her friends, who all looked equally worried. Kaoru was worrying the ends of her hair, Kenshin's brows were drawn together, Genzai-sensei's face was pensive, Ayame-chan was biting her lip, and even Yahiko was watching her with his chopsticks halfway to his mouth. 

"I'm fine," she said, nominally to Suzume-chan, but really to all of them. "I just remembered something that made me a little sad. It happens." 

Suzume put her small, chubby arms around Megumi's waist. "Megneesan better now?" 

"Yes." 

The little girl gave her an angelic smile. "Can I have your ohagi?" 

The booth exploded with laughter, probably more then was warranted, but the tension was broken. Smiling, Megumi broke the single remaining ohagi on her plate in half and gave one half to Suzume and half to Ayame. 

When, half an hour later, Suzume fell asleep under the table, Genzai-sensei decided to take them home. It signaled the breakup of the party, as the three from the dojo decided to leave as well. 

Megumi got to her feet, stretching to get all the kinks out. Kei picked up his bags and bowed to the booth in general. "It was so nice meeting you all," he said. "I'm glad my sister has had such good friends here in Tokyo." 

"You should come to dinner tomorrow!" Kaoru said brightly. "At the dojo!" 

"I wouldn't want to--" 

"Oh, no, we do it all the time, Kei," Megumi said absently. "Kaoru, are you cooking?" 

Kaoru looked mulish. "Well--I--" 

"What're you tryin' ta do, fox, poison your brother?" Sano asked lightly. 

Kaoru tried to throw her chopsticks at him, but Kenshin caught them easily, and said, "I'll cook, Megumi-dono." 

"Well in _that_ case, I'll see you all tomorrow." 

They stood there for a very awkward moment, and Kei slid her a sidelong glance. "Megumi? Were you waiting for something?" 

She had been, Megumi realized with a jolt. She'd been waiting, without even knowing it, for Sano to rise and say casually, "Might as well walk ya home, fox," the statement signaling the transition from friend and sparring partner in daylight to lover in the night. 

She looked at him, helplessly. He looked back, giving her a crooked, wistful smile. "Ja ne, Fox. See ya tomorrow." 

After that, there was nothing to do but . . . go. 


	6. Self-Defense

_This may well be the last update for awhile . . . in a week I'll be heading back to school (thank you God, another week and I'd've committed matricide . . . ) so who knows how much time I'll have for writing? I'll try and carve some out, however . . ._

The streets of Tokyo were still and silent as Megumi walked beside her brother. _These_ streets were still and silent, at least--they were good neighborhood streets, with well-mannered bedtimes. Somewhere else, there were dice games and sake-drinking contests going on. 

She wondered if Sano was headed to one or the other right now. 

Briefly, she considered sneaking out of the clinic when Kei was asleep. She'd been to Sano's apartment once, the morning Kenshin had left for Kyoto. She could probably find it again without much trouble. 

But there was no guarantee he'd be there, and if she ventured forth to his favorite gaming or drinking dens, someone might--what might? _would_--see her, and that was the last thing either of them wanted-- 

It was, wasn't it? 

She was almost sure of that. 

It was definitely the last thing _Sano_ wanted. Sometimes it was almost as if he were ashamed of their--she struggled for a word. _Relationship_ implied so much. But _liaison_ sounded so cheap--but wasn't that all it was, in the end? Because it certainly wasn't much of a relationship, all this sneaking around, even if the secrecy had ultimately been as useless as tits on a bull. 

That depressed her even more--the fact that she was starting to pick up Sano's speech patterns even in her _thoughts_. She was quite certain he wasn't picking up anything of hers. 

She was being _ridiculous_ . . . 

Later on, she would be able to blame her immersion in her own depressing thoughts. If she'd been alert, the mugger never would have taken her by surprise. 

But he did, and she suddenly found herself dragged against a flabby, stinking body with an arm across her throat. "Your money," a voice hissed by her ear. "Now. All of it." 

They were close to her clinic, at the point where nice neighborhoods started to give way to not-so-nice neighborhoods. The mugger must have been having an unproductive night, to wander so far afield. 

Kei was standing frozen, his face a rictus of terror. "I--I don't have any--" 

"I'll kill her--I have a knife." 

Unlikely--if he did, it would have been already at her throat. Still, Megumi appreciated a good bluff. But she really didn't have the time or the patience for this at the moment. She had bigger problems. 

"This is a really bad idea," she said over her shoulder. 

"Shut up," was her reply, and "Your _money_," to her brother. 

"Have you ever heard of the Kamiya Dojo?" Megumi asked conversationally. 

"Megumi, what are you doing?" Kei hissed. 

"Shut up, I told you!" There was no note of panic in his voice--just impatience. How depressing. 

"No? Then how about Himura Kenshin?" 

The arm remained across her throat. Megumi gave a world-weary sigh. "Well, if you _must_ do it the hard way--" 

For the hapless thief, earth and sky inexplicably switched places for a moment. Then he was lying on what was indubitably the ground. He knew this because the sky wouldn't hurt like hell. 

He blinked at the sky, trying to work out what had happened. He'd had the elegant woman by the throat--she'd been yapping--and then-- 

She'd flipped him over her shoulder and laid him out like a rug. 

Megumi crouched by the groaning would-be mugger and said, "Maybe you recognize this name. Zanza." 

The wounded man made a strangled sound, and Megumi nodded in satisfaction. Just as she'd suspected, Sano's criminal self was still known among the underworld, even if Kaoru's school and Kenshin's other half weren't. She announced, with slightly malicious satisfaction, "_He_ taught me that." 

Kei was gaping. "Megumi--you just--you--" 

Megumi paused to look at him. "You heard my friends," she said. "I can be very nasty when I want to be." 

"Yes, but I thought they were _joking_!" 

"Whatever gave you that idea?" 

"You said--you--" 

"I never said I couldn't, I said I didn't. There's a difference. Would you carry this man, Kei?" 

"To the police station?" 

"To the clinic." She looked on her handiwork with a veteran eye. "I do believe I've dislocated his shoulder." ****************** 

The shoulder had been popped into place and the thief had scurried from the clinic, swearing to take up a less perilous job while in Tokyo, like lion taming. Megumi sat in the front room, moodily rolling bandages. The little episode with the thief had been a mild diversion at best. 

There was a rasp of wood on wood as Kei entered the room. He had been putting his things in one of the rooms they kept for overnight patients. "Where did he go?" 

Megumi looked up. "I was done with him. He paid and left." 

Her brother's mouth was hanging open. "Let me get this straight," he said slowly. "You--incapacitated him, then patched him up, and then _charged_ him for it?" 

Megumi considered it. "Sounds about right." 

"And then you let him go?" 

"Mhm." 

Kei looked enraged. "But--the police--" 

"What would they have to do with it? Stupidity isn't a punishable offense, and I'm sure he's learned his lesson about robbery. I can afford to be forgiving." 

Kei's brows drew together. "I suppose this is another thing your friends have taught you?" 

"How to nullify an opponent? Nothing so formal as teaching . . . I just sort of picked that up. It's something that happens with definite regularity around the Kenshin gumi. You can practically set your watch by it. There's always someone after Kenshin, and sometimes Sano--and even once Yahiko . . . and of course there's the occasional attempting mugging just for diversion." 

"Who's Zanza?" 

Megumi started another roll, carefully keeping her eyes fixed on the linen, making sure all the edges lined up perfectly. "It's a name that Sano used to have," she said, proud of her matter-of-fact tone, "when he was a gangster. Well--really more a fighter-for-hire, from what I hear. He fought with a zanbatou--hence, Zanza." 

"He's a _criminal_?" 

"Was," Megumi corrected sharply. "He gave that up when he met Kenshin, so I'm told." She shook her head. "Sometimes I wonder if that's in the rurouni job description . . . it's a little ridiculous sometimes, how Kenshin converts _everyone_ to his way of thinking sooner or later." Even her. Like a Christian priest, the world to Kenshin was just one whole mass of souls to be saved. 

Kei was looking at her with concern, however. "I don't think you should be associating with him," he said, meaning Sano. No, meaning _Zanza_. "I mean--a gangster, _really_--" 

Associating? Megumi almost laughed. How prim. Wouldn't he just have a shit-fit if he ever found out the extent of the _association_? She almost looked around for Sano, to share the joke. But he wasn't there, and that sobered her faster then a bucket of cold water. "I told you," she said, looking up at Kei instead, "he's not a gangster any longer, any more then Kenshin is still the Hitokiri Battousai--" 

"The _what_?" 

"The Hitokiri Battousai," Megumi repeated. "That's what he was. He isn't any longer." 

Kei went pale. "That--that redheaded man--" 

"Yes, that was him. Boggles the mind, doesn't it?" She smiled at him, gently. It was always a shock. Kenshin radiated such serenity you tended to forget that he could disembowel a man in the pause between heartbeats. 

If he wanted to. 

Which he didn't. 

Which was the point. 

"He gave it up," she repeated. "Both of them gave up their pasts. They're different now. Neither Zanza or the Hitokiri Battousai exist anymore. It's just Sano and Kenshin." 

But Kei was shaking his head. "A leopard doesn't change his spots, Megumi." 

"What's a leopard?" 

"I mean--people, especially soulless killers and deadly criminals, don't change that easily." 

"I didn't say it was easy. Their pasts trail them like the tails of comets." She thought of Sano's insistence on secrecy, all because of that past, which he thought somehow would dirty her. As if anything could dirty her more then her own past deeds. Her stomach began to hurt. 

"Souls aren't washable," Kei insisted. 

Megumi knew hers wasn't--but she'd let herself forget that. "Well," she snapped, chunking the bandage roll onto the pile and getting to her feet, "maybe they should be."


	7. Missing Her

Consciousness seeped in with a vague sense of something wrong. 

Something . . . missing. 

Sano, eyes still closed, sent an exploratory hand out over the rumpled sheets. When all it encountered was cloth, he opened his eyes, frowning. "Fox--?" he started to say, and then remembered. 

For the first time in two weeks, he was waking up in his own apartment at dawn. 

Alone. 

He rolled to his back, one hand fisted on his belly. There was an aching emptiness in his gut. He hadn't realized how _much_ he would miss her . . . The funny thing about it was, it wasn't just about the sex. He loved waking up next to her, listening to her morning sounds, watching her stretch and roll over to smile at him. 

Stupid little things that meant everything in the world and more. 

At first he had thought it was just the sex--or he'd told himself that. The night he couldn't deny it any longer had been a night about a week ago, now. When dark had fallen, he'd gone to the clinic as usual, but when he got there, he'd found a sign on the door. "Please see Genzai-sensei. Takani-sensei is out." 

He'd stared at it uncertainly, then looked around. She couldn't be gone too long, he'd told himself. He'd just wait for her. 

There had been a longer note inside, on the table. "Sano: I was called away on a birthing. I don't know how long I'll be. If you want to go, I'll understand." 

Hell, he couldn't have gone after that. 

He'd wandered aimlessly around the clinic for several minutes. She must have been called out in a hurry--her dinner was still sitting in the kitchen. He'd thought about eating it, but it was barely touched, so she'd be hungry when she came back. He'd covered it and set it on the counter instead. 

In the clinic, the medicine cabinet had been half-open and the contents had looked jumbled and disorderly. She really musta been in a hurry--she was a damn demon about her medicine cabinet. A few afternoons of helping out in exchange for supper had given him a rough idea of where things were supposed to go, and he'd left the medicine cabinet closed and neat within. 

Eventually, after several more minutes of meandering, he'd gone into her bedroom and unfolded her futon. He'd just settle down and wait, he'd reasoned, stretching out on it. If he took a nap, odds were she'd be home when he woke up. 

When he'd opened his eyes, it was dawn, and Megumi was snuggled against him. She'd been wearing her daytime kimono, having only taken off her jacket, and sleeping so deeply she was snoring a little. There had been deep circles under her eyes. When had she gotten home? 

Moving carefully, he'd put aside the covers--he hadn't covered up before he'd fallen asleep; that must have been her--and slipped out of bed. He had been fully clothed still, so he hadn't had to perform the morning ritual of hunting for his things. 

"Sano?" she'd mumbled drowsily. 

Shit--he had woken her. "Gomen, Megitsune," he'd murmured, tucking the covers around her again. "Go back to sleep." 

"Nnnh." She'd opened her eyes, blinking at him. "I told you to go home if you wanted," she'd slurred, still half-asleep. 

"Well, I didn't want, obviously. Was it bad?" 

"No, just long." She'd stretched a little, flexing her toes under the blanket. "I'm sorry." 

"It's okay, fox. It's all right. Did you eat when you got home?" 

She'd rolled her head against the pillow, a negative head-shake. "Too tired. Just--snuggled up." She'd given him a sweet, drowsy smile, and he had smiled back, leaning over to kiss her. 

Her arm had crept around his neck, and she'd made little happy humming noises in her throat. Sexy Megumi. But her kisses were soft and open-mouthed, as drowsy as her voice, and it was dawn. 

"Go back to sleep," he said again as he broke away. 

"Aa," she mumbled, and closed her eyes again. 

She was snoring again before he closed the shoji. 

The door to the clinic was bare of the sign that had occupied it the night before, and he went back inside to look for it. He'd found it in moments, lying on the table. So what if people had to go to Genzai-sensei for a little bit more, he'd reasoned, sticking it back on the door. She needed her sleep. Then he'd wandered down the street again, watching the dawn. 

For some reason, that night and morning, of all the ones they'd spent together, stuck out in his mind the most. It was the only one of the fourteen that they hadn't had sex--in fact, neither of them had even taken off their clothes. But he remembered it--the way Megumi had snuggled against him, the drowsiness of her voice, the sweet langour of the way she'd kissed him goodbye. The sweetness of it had reached deep down into his soul and filled up an empty spot he hadn't even known he'd had. 

Sano rolled to his feet. He had to see her. 

When he knocked on the front door, nobody answered, so he let himself in. "Fox?" he called out. Nothing. "Genzei-sensai?" Maybe the old doctor could tell him where to find her. 

A step sounded behind him, and he turned. It was Kei. Just who he didn't want to see. 

"Did you need something?" 

_Your sister._ "I--uh . . ." He trailed off under Kei's cool gaze, strangely like his sister's when she wanted to freeze someone out. "My hand," he said suddenly, pulling the appendage out of his pocket. "It's been hurting, and I was wondering if the f--Megumi could take a look at it. If she had time. Ya know. If she wasn't busy. And maybe she could change the bandages. Or something." 

Kei waited until Sano had wound down, feeling like the biggest idiot on the face of the planet. "She's with a patient," he said finally. "Genzai-sensei hasn't arrived. I'll look at it." 

What was there to say to that? "Thanks." 

Kei's hands were completely impersonal, and the initial unwrapping was carried out in silence. If this were Megumi, Sano thought, flexing his newly-freed fingers at the other man's command, they'd already have shot each other full of verbal holes by this time, and enjoyed it. 

"What did you do to it?" Kei asked, feeling the bones. 

"Broke it," Sano said. 

That earned him a look that said _Duh._

"In a fight," he added. There was very little of his too-violent life that he still woke up in a sweat about, but the final showdown at Shishio's stronghold ranked right up there with the death of Sagara Souzou for that. 

"Hm." 

"Chikuso!" he howled as Kei found a tender spot. 

"Did that hurt?" 

"No, I just like swearing!" 

"A simple yes or no would have done." 

Sano rolled his eyes. 

After more prodding, Kei asked, "How long ago was this broken?" 

"Two months, maybe more. Dunno." Was it? It was nearly August now, hotter 'n' hell, too . . . yeah, two months. And it had been early July that night he and Megumi had first-- 

"And you say my sister was taking care of it?" 

"Hey, don't blame her for how bad it is. I do all sortsa stuff with it she tells me not to--fightin' . . . gambling . . . stuff . . ." He trailed off. Megumi was standing in the doorway behind Kei, smiling a faint, ironic smile. After a moment, he smiled back. "Every time I come here to get it fixed up," he said to Kei, his eyes focused on her, "she fixes it up and scolds hell outta me, then I go out and do it all again. It's not her fault, I'm just a stubborn cuss and I do what I wanna do. " 

"You'll have to stop that, or you may never be able to use your hand correctly again." 

"Yeah, that's what she keeps telling me." 

Megumi laughed silently, putting her hand over her mouth. 

"What's this?" 

Sano looked down to see the thin pink line that ran across the width of his palm. He felt suddenly sick, his lightheartedness gone. "Nothing," he said, trying to pull his hand away. 

Kei held on with a deceptively light grip on his wrist. "It looks as if it was made with a knife." 

Behind her hand, Megumi's smile had disappeared, and her skin blanched. _She hadn't told Kei,_ Sano realized. Whether she hadn't gotten to it yet, or she was never going to, she didn't want Sano spilling the beans about Takeda Kanryuu, as he certainly would have to if forced to tell the whole story of her attempted suicide. 

Sano made himself shrug. "I--picked one up wrong. It was stupid. Megumi stitched it up for me," he added. 

"I could have guessed that--it's too neat to be otherwise." Kei reached for a fresh bandage roll and began rewrapping his hand. 

In the doorway behind him, his sister let out a soft sigh of relief. Color returned, slowly, to her skin. 

At the sigh, Kei looked over his shoulder. "Megumi. Done?" 

"For the moment," she returned in a voice that was deceptively normal. She came in, kneeling to look at Sano's hand. "Was it hurting?" she asked, looking up into his face. 

Forgetting he'd told Kei otherwise, Sano said, "Nah. Just wanted the bandages changed. They were gettin' scuzzy." 

"So you came here, like you always do," Megumi said lightly, settling back on her heels. 

"Where else would I go? This is the best clinic in Tokyo." 

Kei said absently, tucking in the end of the bandage, "And I'm sure it'll remain so, even after Megumi leaves." 

"Leaves?" 

Kei looked up, his brows raising to match his sister's. "Of course." He looked at his sister. "Megumi--you are coming back to Aizu with me, aren't you? You're all I have left now." 

Sano thought, looking at her, _and Kei, no matter what I think of him, is all she's got left now._ For years, the dream of seeing her family again had kept her alive when life was so terrible that a woman of lesser soul would have merely given up. But Megumi had persevered with that single aim in mind--to have her family again--and now she had it. Just because she'd shared two of best weeks of Sano's life with him didn't mean she owed _him_ anything. 

She looked a little dazed. Maybe she hadn't thought of this. Sano sure hadn't. 

"Family belongs together," Kei continued, looking at her anxiously. 

"Yes," she murmured. "Yes, it does." 

Sano rose, flexing his rewrapped hand. He put it in his pocket and looked down at her, still sitting with her eyes wide. "Kaoru will wanna have a party or somethin'," he said. 

She looked up at that. "For when I leave?" 

So that was it. _Of course,_ Kei had said, and it was of course after all. "Yeah." He made himself say the words. "For when you leave."


	8. Notions

Kei jumped backward as a pack of small boys plowed through the evening market crowds, and then nearly fell. His sister had shifted aside half a second before they would have rammed into her, and continued on her way. 

Kei looked after them. "Their parents should be watching them," he muttered, dusting himself off. "They shouldn't be allowed to run wild like that." 

"They're from the orphanage at the Buddhist temple," she said mildly over her shoulder. "They don't have enough nuns to watch after all the children all the time." 

Kei shook his head. "I'll be glad when we get back to Aizu, Megumi," he said fervantly. "It's not like this there." 

"No. Not as I remember." 

"I'm so glad to have found you, Megu-chan." It was half-deliberate, using her childhood name. Reminding her. 

"Me too." 

"I rebuilt the house, and it's just like it was. You can have your old room back. Do you remember that room?" 

She paused. "A little. I remember a little." 

She'd lived in that room for twelve years. "You had the cherry tree right outside." 

"Oh. Yes." 

Such a tepid response . . ."You never used to let me inside." It had been her shrine, her private space. Their parents had supported her, telling him that sometimes a girl needed to be alone. 

She smiled at that. "Nothing's changed. I still won't let anyone--" She broke off abruptly. 

"Is something wrong?" 

"No. Nothing's wrong." 

"You've been like this all day." Ever since she'd told him that she only needed a few days to tie up loose ends before she came back to Aizu with him. 

"I'm just--wondering how best to tell my friends." 

"I'm sure they're expecting it," he said. 

"Yes--but they're my friends. They've been here for me quite a bit over these past months. I'm going to miss them very much." 

"You never told me how you fell in with this--Kenshin-gumi." 

Was it his imagination, or did her eyes shift away and her shoulders hunch, just a bit? "It's a long story, and--not very interesting." 

He accepted that. He'd just been making conversation. He really wasn't interested in how she'd met that strange group of ruffians and misfits. 

Ruffians . . . "By the way--I think I should tell you something." 

"What's that?" 

"Your gangster friend--" 

"You mean Sano?" Her voice was a little chilly. "What about him?" she asked when he didn't go on. 

Kei didn't know quite how to say it. "Well--" He forced a laugh. She was giving him a raised-eyebrow, expectant look, the kind their mother had given them when they'd pussyfooted around. "He--he has a crush on you." 

Her mouth fell open. 

He laughed again. It was such a ridiculous notion that he'd rejected it himself at first. That bandaged gangster thinking he could aspire to a Takani . . . "I know--strange, isn't it?" 

Her voice sounded funny. "Kei--how did you--why do you--" 

It must have been a real shock. "Well, every time I looked up last night at dinner, it seemed like he was watching you. And then teasing you in that--that undignified way . . ." Kei rolled his eyes. "And then he came to the clinic this morning, with that ridiculous story about his hand hurting. Well, it's obvious." 

She gaped at him. 

"You know," he added kindly, "sometimes an outsider can see things that you can't see from the inside." 

"Y-yes. I suppose that's true." 

He put a comforting hand on her arm. "I just wanted to make sure you were aware of it, so you could let him down easily." 

She looked dazed. "Yes. Well. Thank you." 

Then she muttered something that sounded almost like, "I suppose." 


	9. Taking Her Leave

Before Megumi knew it, the gates of the dojo were before her. She stopped and took a deep breath.

Kei said, "Might as well get it over with," and knocked, before she was ready.

It was Yahiko who opened it, but a strange, closed-faced Yahiko, who said in a flat voice, "You can go inside," and turned away.

Kei gave her a look, as if to say, _What kind of people are these?_ and went into the house. Megumi stayed out in the yard and hurried after the young boy.

"Yahiko? I wanted to tell you--"

Yahiko's voice was rough and hard. "You don't hafta tell me, okay? Sano already did. You're leaving. Bye, then." He turned away and stalked around the corner of the dojo.

Megumi's hand dropped. "What--what was that about?"

Kaoru had come up beside her. "He's upset. He has been ever since Sano came by this morning. He's had so many people leave him, you know--his father, his mother, Kenshin--"

"Kenshin came back."

"Yahiko didn't know that when he left."

Megumi closed her eyes. "Kaoru . . . I don't know how to explain this."

"He's your brother," Kaoru said steadily. "He's all you have left. He wants to make a home with you. Megumi, you don't have to explain it to us. We understand."

"Not Yahiko."

"Oh, even he understands. That doesn't mean he's not upset."

"And what about you?"

Kaoru dropped her eyes to the dusty yard. "It doesn't mean I'm not upset either," she said in a muffled voice. "I feel like I'm never going to see you again."

"Would that be so bad?"

Kaoru's head came up, eyes narrowed. "You know it would, and don't try to deny it, Takani Megumi."

Warmth coiled around Megumi's heart. As much as she fought with Kaoru, seventy-five percent of it was play on both sides. Not always the _same_ seventy-five percent, but . . . "I'll visit," she said. "I will."

Kaoru sighed. "You say that _now_, but Aizu is so far away. And you'll get there, and you'll be helping out with your brother's practice, and you'll be busy meeting new people, and someday you'll get married--"

Megumi broke in. "I'm not going to get married, Kaoru."

The younger woman's eyes were very canny. "Is it because of Sano?" she asked softly.

Megumi's mouth fell open, and it was several moments before she could collect herself to ask in incredulous tones, "Did Kenshin tell you?" Although it didn't sound like something that Kenshin would do . . .

But Kaoru was shaking her head. "Oh, no. You two are terrible at keeping a secret." She reconsidered. "Well--_Sano_'s terrible. You're actually pretty good. In any case, the first warning sign was when he stopped teasing you. After that, it didn't take much to put it together."

Megumi was flabbergasted. "Wait a minute. Kaoru, you concluded that Sano and I were lovers because he wasn't _flirting_ with me anymore?"

"That's about it."

Megumi threw her hands in the air. "Kaoru--"

"Hai?"

"That is _backwards_!"

"Well, it's you two, after all." Kaoru giggled. "Really, Megumi, don't look so shocked. We're your friends. We notice things like that. If it's any comfort, I don't think anyone outside the dojo knows." She sighed. "I guess that's done with now, though."

"Yes," Megumi said in a subdued voice.

"Kei doesn't know, does he?"

"For heaven's sake, Kaoru, I haven't even told him about Takeda Kanryuu. What makes you think I'll tell him I'm sleeping with a gambler?"

"_You haven't told him--_"

Megumi clamped her hand over Kaoru's mouth to cut off the screech. "Shh!"

"Mmf mm mfmf."

"What?"  
Kaoru peeled Megumi's hand off her mouth. "You should tell him."

"Kaoru-dono?" Kenshin had materialized at their elbows. "Is something wrong? I heard you shout."

"Nothing," Megumi said.

At the same time, Kaoru said, "There is--Megumi hasn't told Kei about Kanryuu yet."

Megumi made an exasperated noise. "Kaoru, one more word and I'm going to sew your lips shut."

Kenshin, however, was regarding Megumi with troubled eyes. "Megumi-dono--"  
Now it was Megumi's turn to drop her eyes. "I don't _want_ to tell him," she said. "The whole episode was so shameful--"  
Kaoru was all earnestness. "But that's _why_ you need to tell him--because these things come back, you know--"

Kenshin's face was mute agreement. If anyone would know, he would.

Kaoru turned to him. "Kenshin, help me convince her--please--"

Kenshin said in his quiet way, "Megumi, I'll say this and then I'll be silent. Your past is a part of you, and it always will be. What you choose to do with it is up to you." 

Kaoru, who had obviously hoped Kenshin would order Megumi to tell her brother, scowled. Megumi scowled too, but for a different reason. It was _just_ like Kenshin to leave the choice to her own sense of right and wrong. Damned rurouni.

There was a knock on the gates, and Kenshin went to answer it. Ayame-chan and Suzume-chan spotted their Megneesan at once, and rushed over to her.

"Sano-niisan said you're _leaving_--"

"Megneesan _leaving--"_

"He's just playing, isn't he? You're not really _leaving_, are you?"

Genzai-sensei had followed them, and now said, "Girls, we talked about this. Megumi-san's been looking for her family for a long time, and--"

Ayame-chan wailed, "But we want her to _stay!_"

Megumi gazed helplessly at the forlorn faces in front of her. "Girls--"

Suzume-chan wrapped her chubby arms around Megumi's knees. "Not go," she said fiercely.

"Suzume-chan!"

Megumi almost overbalanced before she was able to peel Suzume off her legs. "Suzume-chan--"

Tears wobbled in the little girl's enormous dark eyes. 

Megumi sighed and took her hand. "Suzume-chan, come sit with me. Ayame-chan, you too."

Genzai-sensei started to follow them, but Megumi motioned him away. She wanted to talk to the girls alone.

Suzume-chan annexed her lap immediately, climbing into it and snuggling into her arms the way she liked to do. To counteract that a little, Megumi cuddled Ayame-chan close to her side and kept her arm around her, stroking her hair gently. It had only been a few months, but she loved these girls with a ferocity that surprised her sometimes. She'd been playmate, confidante, arbiter, peacemaker, and teacher. Gods, she was going to miss them.

How could she explain this?

"Ayame-chan," she said. "Suzume-chan. Remember how I told you that I didn't know if any of my family was still alive?"

Two reluctant nods.

"I've been missing them all this time. Think how it would be if you two lost each other for a long, long time."

The girls thought it over, looking at each other. Ayame-chan said slowly, "That would be bad."

"It has been bad. It's been very bad. I've missed having a family, and people who love me."

Suzume sat up. "_We_ love Megneesan!"

"I know you do, chibi-chan," Megumi soothed. "I love you too. But it's different with people who really are your family. Don't you love your sister and your ojiisan differently than you love me?"

Suzume put her head against Megumi's shoulder. "No."

Suzume was too young to understand, Megumi told herself, and abandoned that. "I've also missed having my own home. I like living at the clinic, but I'm just borrowing that from your ojiisan. My brother lives in the house I grew up in, and I miss that too--" Not really . . . she missed the _sense_ of it, the knowledge of it being her own home, rather than the house itself. 

"It's not that I want to leave you--" A slight scuffing sound caught her attention, and she looked up. Sano was standing against the tree, his arms crossed over his chest and a flat, blank look on his face as he stared at the dirt. Yahiko was sitting by his feet, leaning back against the tree, clutching his precious shinai with white knuckles.

She continued more slowly, "Or anyone here in Tokyo. It's just that I want to have my family again, and have my home again. But to do that, I have to go back to Aizu. Do you understand?"

Ayame-chan managed to nod, but Suzume-chan burst into tears. "Want Megneesan to _sta-a-a-a-y_," she cried between hiccuping wails.

There was just no way to explain it to her, Megumi thought, rocking her gently and making soothing sounds. So she didn't even try.


	10. All or Nothing

__

Yeah, it's been awhile since I last posted on this. I wanted to work on it, but life and other things got in the way. Anyway, I'd be lying if I said I could promise to finish it soon, but I will definitely try, because I've missed Sano and Megumi. Enjoy!

  


All or Nothing

  


They were right.

Megumi listened to the clack-clack of her shoes on the road, and her brother's, slightly off-tempo. Kenshin, damn him, was absolutely right. Whatever she did, the past would be a part of her. As much as she wanted to forget that she'd made opium that killed people--as much as she wanted to deny that she'd once broken the very oath that made her a doctor--she couldn't. The only thing about all of this that she _could_ control was what she did about it now.

It would be so easy never to tell Kei. Nobody here in Tokyo, besides her friends, knew about it. Some people in the underworld might remember that there had been a doctor that Takeda had gotten virulent opium from, but she'd never met anybody face-to-face. Besides, anyone in a position to know about her also knew that she'd fallen under the protection of the Kenshin-gumi. As the Raiko episode had proved, anyone trying to besmirch her reputation suffered.

She was going to _miss_ them . . . 

And nobody in Aizu knew, either. There was just no way. It would be entirely possible for her brother to go through the rest of his life innocent of the things she'd done.

And yet . . . 

And yet, if she did that, she would be lying--not only to him, but to herself.

She paused to open the gate, and Kei said, "You're very quiet, Megu-chan." 

He'd been calling her that a lot lately, as if reminding her of what she had been, once. But she wasn't that pretty, wide-eyed little girl any longer. The things she'd seen and the things she'd done were things that Megu-chan never would have had to.

"I'm just thinking," she said as they continued up the path. 

"Hmmm."

They were inside the clinic now, and he turned toward his room. "Kei," she said, and he turned. She took a deep breath, like a pearl diver preparing to go under. "You know how you asked, earlier, how I met the Kenshin-gumi?"

The words had come out a little fast, but overall she was rather proud of the steadiness of her voice.

He blinked at her. "Yes--I suppose--but what made you think of it?"

"I want to tell you," she said steadily.

"Does it have to be now?"

"_Yes_. It has to be now."

Megumi looked at the table, and thought of asking him to sit so there was that barrier, that formality between them. But it would just a delaying tactic, one she couldn't afford, with her teetering courage. She looked down at her hands, and then forced herself to look up into her brother's puzzled eyes. But her hands plucked convulsively at the bottom edge of her jacket, without direction from her brain.

"Five years ago," she began, "I came to Tokyo to apprentice myself to a doctor."

Kei nodded. "Ah--and you met them when one came in to be treated?"

"Not--quite." She held up a hand. "Please don't say anything until I've finished."

He looked mulish, but he didn't say anything more.

She remembered the last time she'd told this story--in the kitchen at the dojo. She hadn't been able to look at any of them--Kenshin, Kaoru, especially not Sano, who'd sat with a face like flint, resentment emanating from him in near-palpable waves. At that time, she'd been sure they would throw her out of the place and not want any more contact with her after she'd told her story--but they hadn't.

She prayed Kei would be as merciful.

He had to be. Dear gods, he had to be. He was all she had left.

"It wasn't until I'd been here a few weeks that I realized the doctor was working for a mob boss named Takeda Kanryuu."

Kei abruptly broke his new-made promise. "I've heard of him--he was the one selling bad opium--that doctor _worked_ for him?"

"He was making the opium--at least for awhile." She paused, choosing and arranging the words in her mind before she could let them out. Best to be straightforward about it. "Takeda had him killed after he disagreed with him. But that left me with the only knowledge of how to make it. So--" Her shoulders rose and fell. "He forced me to make it."

She turned away abruptly, towards her medical cabinet, and neatened up the contents, which were already in perfect order. She spoke quickly, trying to get the rest of the story out, to be done with it. "I met the Kenshin-gumi when I finally got up the courage to run away from Takeda. Kenshin and Sano were in a gambling parlor that I ran into, and they defended me from Takeda's men, then took me home to the dojo. The rest of it's a long story, but they were there the night Takeda's organization fell apart. No," she corrected herself, "they were the _reason_ it fell apart. It's a bad habit of theirs. They saved me, in so many more ways than one. I would do anything for them--I honestly would." She turned around to face her brother. "So that's it. That's the story."

"You made opium for that criminal," Kei said in a low voice.

"Yes." What she'd done and why she'd done it were things she couldn't--wouldn't--deny.

"It _killed _people." He sounded appalled, revolted.

"I had no choice."

He shouted, "You should have _died_ before stooping that low!"

She jolted backward a step, fetching up against her cabinet. The medicine bottles inside clinked violently against each other. "I'm trying to tell you--I would have--Takeda was a violent man, not used to being crossed--"

"You should have taken the sword before betraying the memory of our father's work!"

Her mouth trembled. "Don't you understand? All I wanted in the world was to see you again! I'd do anything to survive for that."

"Death before dishonor, Megumi!"

"So many times, I--"

Kei stabbed a finger at her face. "You're not who I came to look for," he said in a cold, hard voice. "You're not my sister."

"Kei!"

"Get out!"

"Kei--please--"

"Get out!" He swung out, catching her a glancing blow on the cheek. It wasn't even hard enough to bruise her skin, but she reeled backward, almost falling.

"Go!" he snarled.

She went.

  


* * *

  


"What d'you say, all or nothing. C'mon, Sano, you've been a wet blanket all night."

Sano shrugged. "Sure. What the hell."

"Yeah, that's more like it!" Kinji tossed him the dice, and Sano caught them deftly. "What're you rolling?"

Sano shrugged, rattling the dice in his palm. "Two-six, chow," he said, picking the numbers at random. 

"Awright, now roll 'em."

"Gimme a moment, would ya?" Sano rolled the dice around in his hands idly, listening to the rattle and clatter. A month ago, he would have been humming with energy at that sound. Now it just didn't seem to matter.

He looked up from the little knot of men outside the teahouse and let his eyes wander up and down the street, flicking idly over the faces of the pedestrians going by.

_Megumi?_

Tomo said, "What?" 

Sano didn't pay him any attention. Megumi was moving like a sleepwalker, stiffly and awkwardly, occasionally stumbling and righting herself without reacting. Her face was white as the moon, and her eyes were--

Gods, her eyes.

The dice slid from between his fingers as he leapt to his feet and to a run. "Megumi? Megumi!"

She kept moving, as if she didn't even hear him, and the crowd surged around them. He shoved through, too worried to even mutter apologies, too frantic to hear his friends calling out for him to return. "Megumi!" he shouted again. "Fox! _Megitsune!_"

She paused at that, just long enough for him to push through a small group of girls. "Megitsune," he said again, touching her shoulder.

"Sano?" Her eyes came to life again, and filled with tears. She flung her arms around his neck. "Oh, Sano!"

He wrapped his arms around her waist, ignoring the people who stopped to stare at the respectable lady doctor and the scruffy ex-gangster. Screw 'em anyway; Megumi needed him. Right now, he didn't care what they thought.

"What is it?" he murmured into her hair, rocking her gently. "What's wrong? Did something happen?"

She said something into his neck, and he pulled back just enough to look into her face. "What?"

"Kei," she said again, and her face crumpled.

His brows drew together. "Is he hurt?"

"Sano, I told him."

A cold chill seized Sano's heart. Somehow, he didn't think Kei had chalked Megumi's past up to lousy luck.

"He hates me, he never wants to see me again--"

"Shhhhh. Shh."

"Death before dishonor, he kept saying that--"

_What?_

She was crying again. Megumi didn't cry. She'd told him once, in the lazy dark after sex where barriers came down, that she didn't let herself. They were a luxury she couldn't afford. 

But these weren't a luxury. These were harsh, gulping sobs that sounded like they were coming from the very bottom of her broken heart. They were the vicious tears of a woman who wept because something she'd craved, yearned for, had almost gotten, had been ripped away from her. She wept because she, strong, capable, resourceful Megumi, could do nothing else.

He held her for several minutes, resting his cheek against her hair and rubbing her back in wide circles, before her breathing quieted. The worst of it was over, he thought, at least for the moment. He leaned down and caught her behind the knees, gathering her up to hold her against his heart. Under normal circumstances, she would've slapped his face, or worse, for such a liberty, but now she lay against his chest, limp as a rag doll. Damn that stiff-necked-- "I'm taking you to the dojo, okay? Jo-chan and Kenshin will take care of you." 

"Aa," she whispered. "Arigatou."

His eyes lifted up to glare down the street that led to her clinic. The crowd that had gathered started to back away, their whispers falling silent. This was an area where that expression in his eyes was well-known. Any man who'd ever been in a fight with him knew to get out of his way at the sight of those hot dark eyes, or they wouldn't live to regret it. 

_And _I'm_ going to take care of that excuse for a brother._


End file.
